The Wolf at the 2018 White House Correspondence Dinner

Everyone on the Badlands Journal editorial board loved Michelle Wolf's superb comic slam of this gathering of the over-coifed, over-dressed, over-fed, over-exercised, fatuous but iconic high priests and priestesses of access-based journalism, or, as Wolf might say, "kiss-the-organ-of-your-choice journalism."
We loved what she had to say because profane, raunchy comedy directed at the high and mighty is a winning formula older than Aristophanes and because Wolf did it so brilliantly and structured her attack so cleverly that she had them all excited and nearly rolling in the aisles with her cracks about Trump before she turned her blast torch on Sarah Huckabee Sanders, about whom it would be exceedingly unseemly for a White House correspondent to be seen laughing, by the target herself.
Sarah was taking names.
We liked the routine because it is very rare that American journalism gets the beating it deserves for its slavish groveling before the rich, powerful and famous. As one Badlands editor put it from a lifetime of experience: "You can't get them to do their job and report. You have to create a big show for them to get them to do their jobs. They are no different from the politicians and government staff they are supposed to be reporting about, instead of being their stenographers.
We loved Wolf's routine because her work has been honed by live performance in front of ordinary people, the public, people looking for a good laugh and relief for a few moments from a world dominated by the corporate high and mighty special interests and their media and political lackeys. Her audiences live in her. Their revolt lives in her, exemplified by women oppressed in male dominated corporate hierarchies.  Their blasphemy lives in her against the Plutocratic Hypocrisy we call America today, officially imagined by the fully accredited, well-educated, well-paid, beautiful people in our mainstream media.
Michelle Wolf's routine was great. But best of all was the bleating from the gored, self-annointed, sacred sheep of the American media.
We particularly loved her speech for ending on an outrageous environmental justice issue: the still-polluted drinking water in Flint, Michigan, about an hour's drive from Washington Township, where Trump was addressing another of those White Power rallies that comfort and sustain him in his tribulations among the unbelievers.
Badlands Journal editorial board
 

Some of our favorite excerpts from Michelle Wolf's routine for the White House Correspondents Dinner:

“Of course, Trump isn’t here, if you haven’t noticed. 
He’s not here. And I know, I know, I would drag him here myself, but it turns out the President of the United States
is the one pussy you’re not allowed to grab ...
 
Now, I’ve worked in a lot of male-dominated fields before comedy. I worked at a tech company and before that I worked on Wall Street and honestly I’ve never really been sexually harassed. That being said, I did work at Bear Stearns in 2008 so, although I haven’t been sexually harassed, I’ve definitely been fucked. Yeah, that whole company went down on me without my consent and no man got in trouble for that one either. No things are changing, men are being held accountable, you know...

Al Franken was ousted. That one really hurt liberals. But I believe it was the great Ted Kennedy who said, ‘Wow! That’s crazy! I murdered a woman!’ Chappaquiddick – in theaters now...
We should definitely talk about the women in the Trump administration. There’s Kellyanne Conway. Man, she has the perfect last name for what she does: Conway. It’s like if my name was Michele jokes frizzy hair small tits. You guys got to stop putting Kellyanne on your shows. All she does is lie. If you don’t give her a platform she has nowhere to lie. It’s like that old saying, if a tree falls in the woods how do we get Kellyanne under that tree? I’m not suggesting she gets hurt just stuck under a tree incidentally a tree falls in the woods and Scott Pruitt’s definition of porn. Yeah, we all have our kinks...
There’s also, of course, Ivanka. She was supposed to be an advocate for women, but it turns out she’s about as helpful to women as an empty box of tampons. She’s done nothing to satisfy women. So I guess like father like daughter. Oh you don’t think he’s good in bed, come on! She does clean up nice though. Ivanka cleans up nice. She’s the diaper genie of the administration. On the outside she looks sleek, but the inside, it’s still full of shit...
And of course we have Sarah Huckabee Sanders. We are graced with Sarah’s presence tonight. I have to say, I’m a little star-struck. I love you as Aunt Lydia on The Handmaid’s Tale. Mike Pence, if you haven’t seen it, you would love it. Every time Sara steps up to the podium I get excited because I’m not really sure what we’re gonna get you know a press briefing a bunch of lies or divided into softball teams it shirts and skins and this time don’t be such a little bitch Jim Acosta. I actually really like Sarah. I think she’s very resourceful. Like she burns facts and then she uses that ash to create a perfect smoky eye. Like, maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s lies. It’s probably lies. And I’m never really sure what to call Sarah Huckabee Sanders. You know, is it Sarah Sanders? Is it Sarah Huckabee Sanders? Is it Cousin Huckabee? Is it auntie Huckabee Sanders? Like, what’s Uncle Tom but for white women who disappoint other white women? Oh, I know, Aunt Coulter...
I watch Morning Joe every morning. We now know that Mika and Joe are engaged. Congratulations! You guys. It’s like when a #Me-Too works out.
...Rachel Maddow we cannot forget about Rachel Maddow. She’s the Peter Pan of MSNBC. But instead of never growing up, she never gets to the point. Watching Rachel Maddow is like going to Target. You went in for milk but you left with shampoo, candles, and the entire history of the Byzantine Empire....
There’s a ton of news right now; a lot is going on, and we have all these 24-hour news networks, and we could be covering everything. But, instead, we’re covering like three topics. Every hour, it’s Trump, Russia, Hillary and a panel of four people that remind you why you don’t go home for Thanksgiving...
“Milk comes from nuts now, all because of the gays.” You guys are obsessed with Trump. Did you use to date him? Because you pretend like you hate him but I think you love him. I think what no one in this room wants to admit is that Trump has helped all of you. He couldn’t sell steaks, or vodka, or water, or college, or ties, or Eric. But he has helped you. He’s helped you sell your papers, and your books and your TV. You helped create this monster and now you’re profiting off of him. And if you’re gonna profit off Trump you should at least give him some money, because he doesn’t have any. Trump is so broke.
[AUDIENCE: How broke is he?]
He grabs pussies because he thinks there might be loose change in them.
All right, like an immigrant who was brought here by his parents and didn’t do anything wrong, I gotta get the fuck out of here. Good night.
Flint still doesn’t have clean water! 

From Scraps from the Loft, April 29, 2018, http://scrapsfromtheloft.com/2018/04/29/michelle-wolf-at-2018-white-hous...